Revisiting Rings

[Jude]

So this ended up in my youtube feed. No idea if it's genuine or fake.



What do you think?

[Alatar]

Yeah, that was one of the original concepts. Luckily it was abandoned during production.

[Dave_LF]

I’ve been remiss about posting my kids’ reactions to seeing these for the first time. I will try to liveblog some of the better ones as we watch FotR this afternoon (theatrical), though I have to warn that they MST3K absolutely everything they watch, no matter how much they like it.

“The world is changed…”
H (daughter, 11) She sounds emo
W (son, almost 14) Who’s the Lord of the Bracelets?
“The hearts of men are easily corrupted “
H: So I guess it’s all up to women hahaha
W: Here comes Gandalf to ruin someone’s life again (he’s seen The Hobbit)
Editor’s note: I can’t possibly keep up with everything they’re saying
W: That’s Bilbo. He’s hiding a magic ring that’s probably making him insane
H: Why is it the wizard from Harry Potter?
W: I guess Bilbo’s famous now
H: I think he might be evil
H: Can you see yourself when you’re invisible?
H: It’s poisoning his mind; he’s acting like that goblin
W: Maybe Gandalf should burn it or destroy it or something
“I don’t understand “
W: You’re not supposed to; he’s a wizard, he always speaks cryptically. It’s part of his contract.
They thought the “Shire, Baggins” Nazgûl was Gollum.
W: Let me guess, the writing says “this ring will make you die”
“Smoke rises from the mountain of doom”
W: Well of course it does there’s literal lava
W: His [Saruman’s] staff is much more impressive than Gandalf’s
H: Saruman?! Why is everyone’s names so similar?
H: Are all the wizards friends or something?
H: Why does Sam have to go along on this anyway?
H: I can’t tell which one is Sam; they all look alike
H: They should give it to a woman since it only corrupts the hearts of men
H: It’s always dark when bad guys attack but at least it’s not raining. [Hobbits arrive in Bree] ah; now it’s raining
H: Are they drinking?? You guys are underage!
H: Oh no they can sense its power; take it off!
W: Do those have faces or are they just skeletons?
H: 9 rings of power? Oh “Lord of the Rings,” I get it now
W: What happens if you kill them?
H: You can’t because they’re already dead
W: But what if the guy who made the rings dies?
(Gandalf on Orthanc)
H: How is he not dead from impact?
(Weathertop)
H: I want to stick my hand in their hoods and see what happens
W: Maybe if they stabbed a little faster they wouldn’t have this problem
H: They always have to step epically
(Moth)
W: It’s a message from that crazy wizard who talks to animals
(Lurtz is born)
H: This is fine
(Arwen appears)
H: It’s Jesus
W: No it’s random girl number 27
H: It’s random elf number 27
H: The horses have red eyes—it’s like an angel and a demon
H: “She-elf??” (laughs)
W: And by the power of magic he survives! (sarcasm)
H: That guy (Elrond) looks funny. He looks like a Disney character.
W: You just have to cut off all of Sauron’s fingers and then he can’t wear it anymore
(They’re convinced the whole Rivendell sequence is a dream)
W: Why doesn’t Elrond just push Isildur into the lava?
H: He could but then it would be murder
(Boromir appears)
H: It’s random dude 85!
“The same blood flows in my veins; the same weakness”
W: Uh… weakness isn’t determined by blood. That’s stupid.
W: They’re going to have to take it to the volcano, aren’t they?
(They think Isengard and Mordor are the same place)
W: Is Frodo going to have to take it?
W: Can’t they ride an eagle?
“I should very much like to hold it again”
W&H: No!!!
W: Can’t Gandalf make fire or something so they don’t die of cold?
“Shadow and flame”
W: Those things don’t really go together
“Let the ring bearer decide”
W: Why??
“Speak friend and enter”
W: Ok: friend!
W: I must say, the dwarves’ interior designing isn’t so great
W: Gandalf’s being cryptic again. It’s destiny and stuff.
“There’s an eye opener and no mistake”
H: What’s so epic; it’s just columns and stuff
W: Why does everyone always stab so slowly?
H: He got stabbed *again*?!
“I’m not hurt”
H: Of course you’re not you’re a main character
W: Aren’t you a wizard? Why don’t you stop him? (balrog)
H: It’s so obvious he’s too weak!
H: Aw look at him (balrog). He’s kind of cute.
“You shall not pass!”
W: Epic line!
H: I’ve heard that before
H: Well Gandalf is dead; I knew that was going to happen.
W: How can they fly??
H: I think he means like flee
H: He said you cannot pass but then he didn’t pass too

(taking an intermission here for a little while)

H: Give them a second, geez!
Boromir: Give them a moment for pity’s sake!
H: lol
W: Is this the same haunted forest as the one in The Hobbit?
They thought Haldir was Legolas
H: She’s ugly but beautiful
W: And she has blue eyes too! (they’ve been observing that many characters have blue eyes)
H: He can give her the ring and it would be ok because she’s a woman (this has been a theme with her)
(nuclear Galadriel)
W: Why is everybody in this movie insane?
W: Gandalf basically kidnapped Sam from the Shire
H: Child endangerment!
W: This is very epic and stuff but can we please get back to the murder part?
W: Was Saruman always evil or did he turn evil by choice?
H: Frodo’s becoming emo
W: Is he (Boromir) turning evil too?
H: One’s evil and one’s emo
W: The orcs’ armor isn’t doing much
H: Second death!
H: I liked him; how dare you. Come on I want to know his last words at least.
“I'm going to Mordor alone." "Of course you are, and I’m coming with you!”
W: Uh that’s not the definition of alone
W: It’s the power of friendship!
H: They’re getting the boat all wet
H: Just two guys being pals
[Scandalized by sending Boromir over the falls]
“The fellowship has failed”
W: It’s time for fellowship 2.0
H: The fellowship of friendship!
W: This is some weird cowboy music
H: Wait; that's the *end*?!

(end of part 1)