OK, he's got a point

Post by **solicitr** » Tue Mar 09, 2010 6:57 am

The first several minutes of Fellowship of the Rings recount Sauron's salad days of Middle Earth conquest, and boy oh boy, was he one power-drunk cat. He had the power of the cosmos on his trigger finger, a magic mace that could feather-dust entire armies to smithereens, and a fancy helmet that could substitute as a nautical mine. In sum, he was the most dapper despot around, and he f---ing knew it.

So when it came time to kill a scrub like the hero Isildur, he should've been home in time for Mrs. Sauron to fix him a nice bowl of lava soup, no?

Ahem, let's take a look at the clip. It starts at 2:45:

He has his human enemy on the ground at his feet. One enemy, with tens of thousands at his back. He then sloooowly reaches out with his ringed hand, allowing his finger to get chopped off. The ring is detached, he dies, his entire empire collapsing with it.

What was trying to do, exactly? Tousle Isildur's hair? Shake his hand? Steal his wallet? Had Sauron ever read a goddamn Green Lantern comic, he'd know that if you've got godhood sitting on your index finger, you do not get into fisticuffs. You create giant egg beaters and rolling pins and xylophone mallets and bludgeon your opponent into organ paste.

http://www.cracked.com/article/237_6-lo ... ed-ball_p2

Post by **Alatar** » Tue Mar 09, 2010 10:29 am

Gotta say there's some classics in there! Merry's cabbage on page one gets my vote!

Post by **Elentári** » Tue Mar 09, 2010 11:34 am

Brilliant!

Love this one:

The crew was moving silently through the mines, not drawing any enemy attention. They're most of the way through when they reach the tomb of Balin... and Gandalf stops to read a book he found.

That's why they were lingering in the tomb, that's why Pippin started fidgeting around and knocking things into wells. And everybody knows it's a mistake; a panicked Legolas whispers to Aragorn, "we cannot linger here."

Guys, if the elf is worried, you should be worried.

Dudes this hard don't scare easily

Post by **Inanna** » Tue Mar 09, 2010 3:16 pm

I love the cabbage on too. Especially the way it has been put in the post...

Have you looked through the comments? Jeez, some people don't have a sense of humor.

Post by **solicitr** » Tue Mar 09, 2010 4:01 pm

So why the heck does he take a pit stop mere minutes from the Mine's exit to read some dead dwarf's diary? Is there some secret he learns from the book? Valuable background information? No, he learns that bad guys have invaded and killed everybody.

Keep in mind this is a book he found among hundreds of dead bodies with arrows in their backs. We had kind of pieced that together

Post by **vison** » Tue Mar 09, 2010 4:31 pm

We must not darken our minds by going down these roads, even in thought . . . .

Post by **Primula Baggins** » Tue Mar 09, 2010 4:45 pm

Especially in thought.

Post by **Lidless** » Wed Mar 24, 2010 8:47 pm

Post by **Lalaith** » Thu Mar 25, 2010 12:38 am

Ohhh, Freddy and I argue about Legolas at Helm's Deep every time we watch the movie!

Freddy says he choked. I say that the suicide bomber is so intent on accomplishing his mission that he continues to stumble forward even after being mortally wounded, and he sort of just falls on the intended target.

Legolas does NOT screw up.

Post by **River** » Thu Mar 25, 2010 1:32 am

I thought he fell into the target too.

Love the one about Merry, the WiKi, and the cabbage.

That's just beyond all funny.

Post by **Anduril** » Tue Apr 13, 2010 5:20 pm

solicitr wrote:
So why the heck does he take a pit stop mere minutes from the Mine's exit to read some dead dwarf's diary? Is there some secret he learns from the book? Valuable background information? No, he learns that bad guys have invaded and killed everybody.

Keep in mind this is a book he found among hundreds of dead bodies with arrows in their backs. We had kind of pieced that together

Jackson's fault, probably an unintentional redundancy brought by "upping the drama".