Adoption and Parenting

[Voronwë the Faithful]

Jn, your kids have one critical advantage: they have you as their mother.

[anthriel]

I had doubts about having children, too, very strong ones, every time; the trouble was, they didn't really kick in until the contractions were three minutes apart.

Always makes you wonder how those second kids ever get conceived, doesn't it?

[Primula Baggins]

Says the mom with two kids less than a year apart.



Seriously, I can clearly remember, in a somewhat pain-glazed state, carefully thinking through my options and concluding with a whiff of regret that there was no turning back now, what with the midwife telling me to push and all.

[Voronwë the Faithful]

Always makes you wonder how those second kids ever get conceived, doesn't it?

They know what causes that now.

[axordil]

Always makes you wonder how those second kids ever get conceived, doesn't it?

There's actually some evidence that your brain actually kind of edits out the REALLY nasty bits surrounding labor and delivery, over time. Thus repeat performances.

The implication of course is that what you remember ISN'T the worst part.

[Primula Baggins]

That's absolutely true. There's no memory trace of the pain. But you recognize it the minute you get there again: "Oh, yeah . . . !@#!!#!"

[Jnyusa]

I really did forget, after the first, what it was like. But I didn't forget after the second because even though the labor was a lot shorter, D#2 was a lot bigger than D#1. (Meanwhile they switched sizes, but then ... ) I really did NOT want to go through that more than twice and was accordingly very careful not to be taken by suprise, though not getting pregnant is a matter of luck, too. We're at the mercy of statistics, it seems.

Jn

[WampusCat]

I've heard my mother say several times that there's really no reason to have more than one child. Which always made me a little since I was her second child.

[elfshadow]

I apologize for the blatant thread hijack, but I have to know--Ax, what exactly is your avatar a picture of? George's pants are missing, and Ringo's looking down, and John's pants are a teensy bit too loose, and there's a zigzag on the road! Plus the cars are different. I can't see the picture clearly enough to tell exactly who is in the picture, but I was just wondering.

[Holbytla]

I apologize for the blatant thread hijack, but I have to know--Ax, what exactly is your avatar a picture of? George's pants are missing, and Ringo's looking down, and John's pants are a teensy bit too loose, and there's a zigzag on the road! Plus the cars are different. I can't see the picture clearly enough to tell exactly who is in the picture, but I was just wondering.

If I may be so bold as to speak for Ax...

LINK !!!

[elfshadow]

Thanks Holbeh one! I can't say I've ever heard of them but they sure do look interesting.

*sm00ches*

[Holbytla]

The Google can enlighten you.
sm000ches back.

[axordil]

They're a hoot. Neal Innes is a brilliant parodist, not just with lyrics but music. There are songs there that could pass for The Real Thing.

I've been considering having the album intermixed with my Beatles albums for my son to listen to, without telling him it's...different. That's my Evil Parent Moment for the day.

[Voronwë the Faithful]

One of the biggest negatives about not having children is that I worry about who will take care of us when we get old and decrepit (yes, I do worry about things like that ). But I couldn't think of a worse reason to have (or adopt) children.

[axordil]

But I couldn't think of a worse reason to have (or adopt) children.

Not that I disagree with ya...but boy is that a modern and Western, even American, conceit. That's been one of the big reasons for it throughout recorded history...which isn't a defense so much as an observation. So much has changed about the nature of family, and changed again, and change again, in the space of the last two hundred years.

[Primula Baggins]

I won't lie and say I never thought about that in deciding to have kids, or in deciding to have three kids (which makes it just about certain we'll have at least several grandchildren).

However, these days people build family in many other ways, and I cannot imagine that you and Beth will be alone when you are old. I think just the teaching you do will guarantee that you will have many people who care about you then as they do now.

I would mention that I will still care about you—but then, I'll be even older.

[Voronwë the Faithful]

I cannot imagine that you and Beth will be alone when you are old. I think just the teaching you do will guarantee that you will have many people who care about you then as they do now.

I wish I could say that I thought that was true, Prim. Unfortunately, neither of us have ever been very good at making lasting friendships in the real world.

Not that I disagree with ya...but boy is that a modern and Western, even American, conceit. That's been one of the big reasons for it throughout recorded history...which isn't a defense so much as an observation. So much has changed about the nature of family, and changed again, and change again, in the space of the last two hundred years.

Yes, you are very right, Ax. In most cultures we would be part of a large, extended family and it wouldn't be an issue. Instead, we live 3000 miles plus from both our families, and have very separate lives from them. Where Beth grew up in Maine, it was very much like a traditional village, and she was raised as much by her grandparents and aunts as she was by her parents (particularly when her parents split). But we have gotten so far away from that. I love living where I live, and I could not imagine having stayed on the East Coast (talk about feeling like a fish out of water ), but it is a big trade-off.

[Primula Baggins]

Well, then, let me mention again that I at least will still care about you. And if I have the chance to become closer, and see you more often, then my children will care, too. And if Uncle Doug and Aunt Beth could happen to teach my kids about . . . what real music is, and why they should care about where it comes from . . . then, cool.

And . . . you have certainly made lasting friendships in the real world. I am not the only one. But here I am.

[baby tuckoo]

*Pledges to send check for $88.37 every two weeks to varonwe and to beth in their dotage as baby grows up and becomes wealthy. That we grow appart in manner and politics is irrelevant. The checks, which cover the buffet on Sunday and Thursday, are adequat, and the TV glows a dim blue, like it should, but I've never seen em.

They're gone 'fore I get up.

My eyes itch and the fires just smoke as I realize it's the last fire and choices must be made.

So . . .. .

[Voronwë the Faithful]

Thanks, Prim. I certainly was not meaning to devalue your friendship, or that of others here, which I greatly treasure.