I think that's a key point, solicitr.
People who have the experience that spanking "worked" may really be examples of the fact that limits and expectations work, however they're enforced. As you say, that enforcement doesn't have to involve physical punishment. Just consistency.
Physical violence against children
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Primula Baggins
- Living in hope
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- Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2005 1:43 am
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“There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King
Jewelsong, screwing up and 'fessing up always bore lighter consequences than screwing up and lying about it in my parents' house too. Of course, from the avoiding consquences standpoint, it was also just flat out better to not give our parents any reason to know a screw up had occurred. My middle sister and I cottoned on to that pretty quick. My brother was a bit slower, but eventaully he too learned that once you've been caught, it's better to just own it. These sorts of skills have carried over very nicely into adulthood. I worry about my youngest sister, who to this day, still doesn't understand that it's better to take your mistakes on than it is to try and hide from them.
I never liked lying to my parents. If I did it, it was because I was afraid. My standard approach was either, as MithLuin said, silence or partial truth. The silence came easy, as I was never very communicative. My dad claims that everything he knows about deposing a hostile witness came from trying to get me to tell him how my day at school was so I guess, as I learned from my parents, they learned from me. Thing is, it's not like I was deliberately keeping secrets. Either nothing had happened that I wanted to about or nothing had happened that was even worth talking about (do parents really care that your best friend's crush (who you personally despise but that's another story) spurned her to go out with the popular blonde girl?).
I never liked lying to my parents. If I did it, it was because I was afraid. My standard approach was either, as MithLuin said, silence or partial truth. The silence came easy, as I was never very communicative. My dad claims that everything he knows about deposing a hostile witness came from trying to get me to tell him how my day at school was so I guess, as I learned from my parents, they learned from me. Thing is, it's not like I was deliberately keeping secrets. Either nothing had happened that I wanted to about or nothing had happened that was even worth talking about (do parents really care that your best friend's crush (who you personally despise but that's another story) spurned her to go out with the popular blonde girl?).