"How to write like Tolkien" and other silliness

[Lily Rose]

Great thread! When I red the first post, I laughed so hard, I nearly peed myself.

[Frelga]

[Crucifer]

[Trazúviel]

[MithLuin]

Sorry, no cats....

I meant to comment on this passage in the opening post awhile ago, and never got around to it.

Tolkien spent a great deal of time inventing Elvish languages while neglecting at least one significant fact about his own. This is the fact that in English, humans come in two flavors: Man and Woman. He refers to the Race of Men, which despite its patriarchalism, is a typical generic usage. Besides, "Man" fits better into iambs than "Human."

However, there are also the Races of Elves and Dwarves. There does not appear to be any female word for either Elf or Dwarf. This leads to some tortuous and justly lambasted terms such as "she-elf" in fanfiction.

Tolkien, of course, invented just such a term. Ellon refers to a male elf. Elleth refers to a female elf. The race is the Eldar. Any fanfiction worth its salt utilizes these terms. "She-elf" is used by Peter Jackson in his movies as an insult; only the Nazgûl say it. Of course, Tolkien made an effort not to use too much invented elvish language in his books (said with a straight face), so he is more likely to use some variation of elf-maid to refer to a female elf.

For those who wanted to track down the original author, this part should relate to the discussion it first appeared in:

Note to Nienor Niniel and others: I have long had a love/mock relationship with the Professor and the Books. Otherwise, I wouldn’t spend enough time reading them to mock them correctly. This is why, though I passionately loathe the writings of S.L. Viehl, I do not post parodies of her works. This would require me to read more of them than I already have.

And I’d just like to note that I’m sure Lexin is right, and Aragorn is going to be REALLY annoyed when he finds out Arwen has gotten him pregnant. “I thought you chose a MORTAL life!” “Yes, but that doesn’t mean I want to have CONTRACTIONS.”

There was a Nienor Niniel on TORc, of course (2, actually), but I do not know who Lexin would be. I think it safe to say that this came out of some sort of messageboard/discussion group, but I wouldn't know how to identify which one.

Edit: I found the original. It was reposted on Rotten Tomatoes, with credit. The author's name is SickleYield, and claims to use that screenname everywhere [it has not been registered at TORc]. The comments were responses to reviewers on fanfiction.net.



And why yes, I do like to debate the finer details .

[Sassafras]

Tolkien, of course, invented just such a term. Ellon refers to a male elf. Elleth refers to a female elf. The race is the Eldar. Any fanfiction worth its salt utilizes these terms. "She-elf" is used by Peter Jackson in his movies as an insult; only the Nazgûl say it. Of course, Tolkien made an effort not to use too much invented elvish language in his books (said with a straight face), so he is more likely to use some variation of elf-maid to refer to a female elf.

Small nitpick:

It is proper to speak of the Elvish race as Quendi.

Eldar refers to those elves who answered the summons to travel west to Valinor. They are called the Calaquendi (Elves of Light); those who refused the summons for one reason or another such as Thingol's people left searching for him while he dallied under the stars with Melian or who simply had no desire to see the Light of the Two Trees are called Moriquendi (Elves of Darkness) and also the Avari (unwilling).

Letter 144:

'Elves' is a translation. not perhaps now very suitable, but originally good enough, of Quendi.

<snip>

They are represented as having been early divided in to two, or three varieties. 1. the Eldar who heard the summons of the Valar <snip> and 2. the Lesser Elves who did not answer it.

Just sayin'

[solicitr]

Well, if we're going to get really, really nitpicky, the Calaquendi/Moriquendi divide is not the same as the Eldar/Avari distinction. Calaquendi covers those Eldar who actually crossed the Sea, and does not include the Sindar or the Nandor. Technically these were Moriquendi; however Tolkien acknowledged that in Middle-earth the Noldor quickly stopped using the term because the Sindar found it insulting. When Caranthir called Thingol a Dark-elf (Morben) it really was a vicious label- and not true, since Elwë of course had been to Valinor.

[Sassafras]

Naturally, we are going to get really nit-picky.

It's what we do...

[Anduril]

Vintage Tolkien humor from The Tolkien Sarcasm Page ( http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/tolksarc.htm ):

The Lord of the Rings (1944) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg1ggAywqkU

[Frelga]

This requires a language warning but behind this link is the epic awesomeness of a The Battle of Pelennor Fields, now in lemon drops and marshmallows.

The comments are priceless, even if they'd set HoF filter smoking.

Apparently there was a HUGE licorice all-sorts boom at the beginning of the Second Age.

Tolkien made a real point of mentioning how there was this “Kingly Head” statue right above the gate to the citadel. So we made a real point out of biting the head off of a Gummy Bear and sticking it there.

Also, you can see that the main gate of Minas Tirith has been breached by Grond, the giant battering ram, and now the men of the city are sallying forth to join in on the wholesale ass-whooping.

For the sake of simplicity we made all the good guys yellow and White Gummy Bears and the Bad Guys Red, Orange, Green and Black. This is in no way any kind of remark on culturally preconceived notions of morality and how it relates to skin color. Except for Green people. They are lazy thieves.

This is Grond. Yes, Tolkien named EVERYTHING even battering rams.

Aragorn’s army is just pouring off of those stolen Corsairs like really fast molasses (which is like light speed for candy).

Enjoy!

[Primula Baggins]

They did Helm's Deep last year (the link is in the "Tolkien in New Media" thread). Also hilarious.

[ToshoftheWuffingas]

Aaaaaarrrrghhhh!

I'm struggling with the Pelennor Fields at the moment.

*runs off to scrub brain.*

[Primula Baggins]

<makes note to watch for spurious candy in Tosh's Pelennor>

[ToshoftheWuffingas]

To add to the list of typos, grammatical errors and idiosyncratic or just plain inept punctuation.
I quail before the eye of an expert!

[Primula Baggins]

When I'm reading for pleasure, I don't even notice, Tosh. And believe me, reading your adaptation is a pleasure.

Anyway, I'm not a copyeditor for British English, so would I even know?

[Frelga]

If you hurry, you, too, can sport an American Sméagol T-Shirt.

Straight from the Vales of the Anduin, this Hobbit tested and approved t-shirt is now available for humans! The t-shirt features a Sméagol (turned Gollum) character in his new clothing line: “American Sméagol”. This grey tagless 100% cotton Hanes t-shirt will make you the coolest humanoid on Númenor! Half-elvens, Wench hobbits, and elfs everywhere will adore your stoorish charm in this one-of-a-kind American Sméagol t-shirt.

[Frelga]

Win.


From Pundit Kitchen (Warning for mild profanity and liberal bias)

[Frelga]

And on this side of the Atlantic (and Pacific)



Same Place

[Primula Baggins]

Too funny!

[Frelga]