I have had three "inappropriate" lengthy religious conversations that I can recall. In all three cases, they were with people I had just met (and never saw again).
The first was during my freshman year of college. I had gone to get food (by myself), and overheard the conversation of the two gentlemen at the table next to me. One was saying that C.S. Lewis had to be one of the only people who had converted simply by reading books, not by talking to real live Christians. Being me
, I stood up and said "excuse me, but you are mistaken. Lewis
did have Christian friends, most notably J.R.R. Tolkien." (Okay, so those might not have been my exact words, but that was the gist of it - and it was before I was aware of people like Barfield.)
I only meant for it to be a single remark, but somehow, I got pounced on. Not for that. But....it was weird. I'd never had a religious discussion with a stranger before, I guess. Maybe that is how I learned not to mention the fact that I am Catholic among Evangelical Christians. All I remember of the conversation is that one of the men would not let me go. He basically followed me back to my dorm. Freaked out, I wouldn't go to the door (I didn't want him to know where I lived), so I stood on the street corner and tried to freeze him out (I figured that he would get cold once we were just standing still, not walking, and eventually have to go away). I honestly couldn't tell you what we talked about, though surely it was a conversation that lasted well over an hour. I do recall him being impressed that I knew what my names mean (all of them). As an example, my confirmation name is Veronica, which comes from
vera icon, "true image," because she got the image of Christ's face on her veil. I think the reason he wouldn't leave me alone is that he wanted to convince me that I could be sure of my salvation. That I could
know I was going to heaven. I kept deflecting that, I suppose, perhaps insisting that for all he knew, I could die an unrepentant murderer. I really don't remember what I said, though. I only know that my stance on that is that I trust Jesus (basically, I know the judge
), but I won't presume to do his job for him. I do trust his promises, and know he will stand by his word. To me, that is certainly good enough! To him, it wasn't, because he felt I would then waste time and effort trying to assure myself that I would go to heaven.
Eventually, the man left. I returned to my dorm, where my roommate enquired why it had taken me so long to get dinner.....
The second occasion was during my senior year in college. I went to a job interview in Maine
. The driver who picked me up at the airport was Pentecostal, and we had a two hour drive to the plant I was interviewing at. The same driver picked me up after my all-day interview to return me to the airport.... I think that is the only time in my life I have seen someone "show off" their ability to speak in tongues. I have many Christian friends who do so, and even my sister does. But none of them do it publically, or at least, not like that. The man was better at talking than listening, so I'm pretty sure he never even found out I was Catholic. I had learned not to reveal such things (see above), but I certainly would have answered a direct question. Again, I am not sure what we talked about for all that time, but I recall the initial conversation started with him learning PowerPoint (that I could handle!) but eventually it was him trying to convince me that the only reason people die before the age of...76? is because they fail to claim God's promises for a full life. Or something like that. I must admit that I wasn't paying
that much attention.... but I felt the need to be polite and not upset the man who was driving me! I certainly got the impression that he took that job as an opportunity to preach to strangers, though, so I was a bit annoyed with him.
And now we come to the third instance. In the prior two, I very much feel that I was the put-upon person, but in this case, I was certainly the culprit. I was at a wedding in May, and was seated at a table with other people from Baltimore at the reception. (Former co-workers of the bride, some of whom I knew). The husband of one of the ladies I had
not met before, though, and he was seated across from me. The conversation started pleasantly enough, and I did what I had learned to do the year I lived in Baltimore - keep my mouth shut when church people discussed things I blatantly disagreed with. But for some reason...this time I didn't stick to that. I think it started to annoy me that I was coming across as agreeing, when I did not. So I made a few comments. Nothing....too blatant. But enough to stir things up, I suppose. He took the bait, and pressed a little further. So did I. And before I knew it, we were rehashing Vatican II and he was in tears. Yes, I reduced an elderly gentleman to tears and dashed his hopes for the future generation of Catholics....
at a wedding. What on earth was I thinking?!? Why didn't I let it drop before it came to that? I don't know. I honestly cannot say why I didn't allow a conversation with someone I had just met to remain superficial. But I do think...well, I think we were able to explain to each other why it mattered so much. He remembered the Church pre-Vatican II, and he had grown up with not much faith at all - then Vatican II happened, and suddenly his faith was real and it had meaning. So, he associates reform with renewal and growth, and tradition with some dark evil. I can't blame him for that. But I grew up with reform and wishy-washy faith, and met tradition and fell in love, so not surprisingly, my perspective is different from his
. I think it was good we could explain our backgrounds, and he did say that if all traditional Catholics were like me, he wouldn't mind them so much
. But I definately felt that what I was doing was....wrong. I was polite, but we were both a captive audience. And I
know I have the ability to rile people up and not back down - I love to argue. I should have put a sock in it.
What made these conversations inappropriate? It wasn't just that people disagreed, or that they were about religion. I have certainly had more than 3 such conversations in my life!
It was the captive-audience, the fact that we were strangers, and the fact that the conversation went on for so long. And in the last case, it was because I made an old man cry remembering his father, who had a problem with alcohol. The-person-sitting-next-to-you-on-a-plane easily fulfills all three roles. You are strangers, you are captive, and the flight will be at least 2 hours (in most cases). [Hopefully, it will not come to the point of tears or empassioned begging.] It is just a recipe for disaster. There certainly has to be a way to...divert attention, prevent it from happening. Saying "this is for work," or somehow distinguishing between professional and personal might help, or asking the person about what they do, or their family, or commenting on sports - keep it friendly and superficial if you don't want to discuss...other things. I have no tips on how that works, because I do not guide conversations, I merely participate in them. But I can see how it would be frustrating to know that your work just
invites comment, whether you do or not.
All I can say to that is, try wearing a habit
. That attracts the crazies, I've been told.
