Also posted on b77
This is personal.... but also general.
I am, as you know, a mother. My children are still quite young, at this age where life seems eternal and the future a promise.
I am 38 (almost 39), an adult, aware of the value of moments and the passing of time, futility. I know I will die, but it’s not on my mind. My love is older than me, twelve years, and this worries me sometimes for I know there will be years without him and I fear them.
My father died last year, at the age of 69. And yesterday my grand-mother, his mother died. She was 91.
Although I had not seen my grand-mother since the funeral alst year and did not have any close contact through all my life, I am very sad and disturbed today.
I just wanted to ask or to question: how dou see yourself in the line of generations? Because today I feel like I moved a line forward, closer to my own mortality.
The line of generations
The line of generations
"nolite te bastardes carborundorum".
Nin, my parents and one grandmother (maternal) are alive and well. I don't see myself close to a generation, but I do understand what you mean.
When my father's mom died around 2.5 years ago, I suddenly saw that change in him and his elder sister. His elder sister realized that technically, she is the next in line. Her health failed... she often mentioned that she's next (shes' doing better now, and I suspect its because that psychological trauma has removed somewhat as she has gotten used to being the elder). My father, suddenly, felt responsible for the entire family. With his mother gone, he felt it was up to him to try and do what he could for his younger brother's kids etc. Am sure he would have done all that he now has anyway, but the motivations would not been less from the sense of duty that he has now.
When my father's mom died around 2.5 years ago, I suddenly saw that change in him and his elder sister. His elder sister realized that technically, she is the next in line. Her health failed... she often mentioned that she's next (shes' doing better now, and I suspect its because that psychological trauma has removed somewhat as she has gotten used to being the elder). My father, suddenly, felt responsible for the entire family. With his mother gone, he felt it was up to him to try and do what he could for his younger brother's kids etc. Am sure he would have done all that he now has anyway, but the motivations would not been less from the sense of duty that he has now.
'You just said "your getting shorter": you've obviously been drinking too much ent-draught and not enough Prim's.' - Jude
I am in the generation that is having kids now. My sister had a baby this past spring, the first grandchild for my parents. My mom was orphaned at the age of 33. Her father (17 years her mother's senior) died while she was out of the country. Her mother had passed away 3-4 years previously. It was a tough time for all of the siblings, I think. Her oldest sister (my Mom is the youngest by 16 years) died a year and a half ago in her late sixties.
My mom started dyeing her hair when my sister got married. She and my dad are thrilled to be grandparents, though.
On my dad's side, both of my grandparents are still living (in their 80s) though my grandmother's health is poor. I think my parents are both aware of their own health being more in question these days, but I would not say that mortality is looming. Health concerns, yes, but not death. Not yet, anyway.
My mom started dyeing her hair when my sister got married. She and my dad are thrilled to be grandparents, though.
On my dad's side, both of my grandparents are still living (in their 80s) though my grandmother's health is poor. I think my parents are both aware of their own health being more in question these days, but I would not say that mortality is looming. Health concerns, yes, but not death. Not yet, anyway.
My mother died eleven years ago, and I definitely felt that I was suddenly much closer to the front line of Mortality.
On the other hand, I also felt more resigned somehow to the fact of mortality; it's hard to describe, but I felt kind of like if my mother, whom I loved so much, had to go through all that suffering and then finally die, then who was I to wish I could somehow avoid it?
I'm sorry about your grandmother, Nin!
On the other hand, I also felt more resigned somehow to the fact of mortality; it's hard to describe, but I felt kind of like if my mother, whom I loved so much, had to go through all that suffering and then finally die, then who was I to wish I could somehow avoid it?
I'm sorry about your grandmother, Nin!
The first time I began to feel that line of mortality was when I was 19 and my best friend died after a long illness. I remember that feeling of being suddenly exposed and vulnerable.
Today is her birthday. I still miss her.
Today is her birthday. I still miss her.
If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.
Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
Hi Nin,
I do feel that sense of moving up to become 'eldest' in a family. My aunty died seom weeks back at the age of 95, which leaves only my mother (almost 92) left of her generation. All of those men and women who grew up together, married, had their families, grew into old age, all gone now except for Mum (who suffers with dementia). It's strange to realise that now we're the grown ups. And as I get older I begin to appreciate much, much more strongly that opportunities to spend time with my own generation - friends and family alike - could be limited one way or the other. I no longer have quite that sense of a whole eternity of time in front of me.
These are not depressing thoughts, just slightly sobering.
I do feel that sense of moving up to become 'eldest' in a family. My aunty died seom weeks back at the age of 95, which leaves only my mother (almost 92) left of her generation. All of those men and women who grew up together, married, had their families, grew into old age, all gone now except for Mum (who suffers with dementia). It's strange to realise that now we're the grown ups. And as I get older I begin to appreciate much, much more strongly that opportunities to spend time with my own generation - friends and family alike - could be limited one way or the other. I no longer have quite that sense of a whole eternity of time in front of me.
These are not depressing thoughts, just slightly sobering.
I wondered why this affected me so much, especially as I was not close to my grand-mother.
I think partially it is because as an atheist I do not believe in any after live. I believe that our trace is in our lifes, and when I see that not even her own daughters come to the funeral of my grand-mother (only one out of three), I say to myself, that all is vain, that anyway, we leave nothing.
I think partially it is because as an atheist I do not believe in any after live. I believe that our trace is in our lifes, and when I see that not even her own daughters come to the funeral of my grand-mother (only one out of three), I say to myself, that all is vain, that anyway, we leave nothing.
"nolite te bastardes carborundorum".
The remaining three of my grandparents are all terminally ill. I purchased the home of two of them and live in the basement to help create a nest egg for them and be of assistance when they need something done around the place. Watching each of them suffer reminds me constantly of my mortality, and also makes me hope I die long before my body degrades to the state I see my grandparents in.
I have wonderful nieces and nephews, but don't see myself becoming a parent, so it is very likely I will be the last of my line. As far as the generatons go, I see myself as the facilitator to others in the family, but not a source of progeny. Besides, with the direction the world is headed, I don't see any favor bringing a child into this world to inherit the misery the present generations seem desperate to inflict on themselves and others.
I have wonderful nieces and nephews, but don't see myself becoming a parent, so it is very likely I will be the last of my line. As far as the generatons go, I see myself as the facilitator to others in the family, but not a source of progeny. Besides, with the direction the world is headed, I don't see any favor bringing a child into this world to inherit the misery the present generations seem desperate to inflict on themselves and others.
"Ut Prosim"
"There are some things that it is better to begin than refuse, even though the end may be dark" Aragorn
"Those who commit honorable acts need no forgiveness"
http://killology.com/sheep_dog.htm
"There are some things that it is better to begin than refuse, even though the end may be dark" Aragorn
"Those who commit honorable acts need no forgiveness"
http://killology.com/sheep_dog.htm