The Watcher wrote:You are you. There is nothing that you need to do different. I wish I shared your optimism and enthusiasm. You have your own hurdles to cross - I wish mine were yours however. Midlife crisis has indeed struck me - I am trying to figure out how exactly to start over, which is what it means. I basically will be starting from ground zero - a hard thing for a forty something to deal with, especially one like me who hates change and does not deal well at all with stress.
TW... do not despair. My life fell about as completely apart as it's possible for a life to fall in my early 40's. I didn't think I could get through it. I cried so much. Lay on the bed in the fetal position and cried. Marriage wrecked, house wrecked, finances wrecked - everything in ruins. Had to sell my house to pay my debts and start over again with nothing in my pocket and a thoroughly traumatized 10 year old who needed his childhood back.
It took time, but I built a new life. Had some good luck, had some bad, made the best of it, and... I'm quite happy with where I am now. Finally was able to buy another house, and send my kid to college. Both things that seemed impossible just a few short years before. And I did it with no help from anyone. Just worked and saved and took care of my boy. It can be done; you can do it. One day at a time.
Kid will be out of college in a year, I have the best job I've ever had, and I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. Got there inch by inch, day by day.
I'll tell you one thing that really helped me, though. I did start taking antidepressants that first evil year. It made a difference. Made the bad days manageable and good days possible. I would recommend giving it a try. I know money's tight, but if you tell your doc you don't have insurance, he or she will go easy. (I had nearly a year of unemployment in there, and was without health insurance most of that time, and I know whereof I speak. I was surprised how reasonable my doc was.) My prescription for generic Prozac only costs $15/month.
I'm not saying you should or must, just that it's worth considering. About a year ago I was feeling so well that I went off the antidepressants. Bad mistake. Crashed and burned about December of last year and am only now stabilizing. I won't make that mistake again. Some people just need a little help - some temporarily; others, like me, permanently. It's no disgrace. If you had diabetes you'd take insulin without a second thought. It's the same thing, except it's brain chemistry.
Write to me if you want to talk more. I do know, and I know there's hope.
