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PostPosted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 2:00 am 
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Creature of the night
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Teremia, I'm just grinning from ear to ear at the thought that I might have been helpful! See? :D

Take care. And thanks, everyone, for your good wishes and prayers.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:51 am 
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Oh, WampusCat, if you're grinning, you should have seen me when I tracked down your reference! Tears of joy and relief! (Of course, the doc and the blood tests have to agree, but it just seems spot on for her symptoms; I'm really pretty sure this is it.) It was only once I had that pernio (the Disease-Formerly-Known-As-Chilblains) article in front of me that I could feel how weighed down by dread I had been the last few days -- I could feel the cloud shifting. OK, I'm tearing up again. :)

Raynaud's was what the doctor had mentioned, and then once you start looking in that direction you find yourself in the midst of such scary autoimmune stuff.... I thought I was being very cool about it, very good about "not worrying until the results are in and we know what to worry about" -- but in fact I was just plain terrified.

Today is my day to benefit from the kindness of -- well, not exactly entirely "strangers" -- more like the people around me in my various worlds! When I was on my way to lunch with my very depressed friend, I got to the toll booth and the woman waved me through: "the car ahead of you paid for you!" When does that ever happen? And then WampusCat showed me the light at the end of this other tunnel.

I am just so grateful right now. :grouphug:


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 1:52 pm 
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Teremia, you can't imagine how much it means to me right now to have lifted the dread from someone else! I was just telling Mr. W. this morning that one of the worst things about cancer is that whenever the least little thing seems to be wrong, all the dread and fear come crashing back down on you (even if you know you shouldn't worry until you know you have something to worry about).

And the toll booth angel! What exquisite timing!

:D :hug:


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 3:44 pm 
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(You and Mr. WampusCat are very much in my thoughts. Hoping the clouds melt away! :hug:)


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:01 pm 
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Life seems to enjoy being difficult for me. Lots of times recently I've felt like just not caring. I need to get past that type of mentality, and focus on all the things I need to do :).

I can use all the help I can get :).


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:37 pm 
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Hang in there, hal! Can you find something you WANT to do, to balance all the things you NEED to do?

Sometimes I put things that I know will make me feel better on my [depressingly long] to-do list (for instance, "take a walk" right there with "write that recommendation letter for so-and-so"). It's satisfying to check things off!

Hope the color comes back into your world soon!


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:40 pm 
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Hal, I don't know if this helps, but it's not just you. Life has a way of being like that. And it's all too easy to focus on the negative. Believe me, I know! And I also know that you don't need me to tell you that it isn't productive to do so. But sometimes it is helpful to be reminded of things that you already know. Remember that you have a lot going for you and focus on all the good things that you are going to accomplish, and you will be okay.

:)

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 7:12 pm 
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hal wrote:
Life seems to enjoy being difficult for me. Lots of times recently I've felt like just not caring. I need to get past that type of mentality, and focus on all the things I need to do


Seems to me you should focus on finding a way to want to do the things you think you need to do. Attitude is everything. It's incredibly hard to make yourself do something you don't care about. You have to want it bad enough, first... especially if it's something difficult.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 7:50 pm 
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I care about you, hal, so I hope you find a way to keep caring. :hug:

Sometimes when I feel like that, I deliberately seek out something truly beautiful -- usually it only takes looking at the sky -- and it takes me out of my apathy into awe. I might not care about whatever it is I have to do, but that scarlet-streaked cloud ... how could I not care about that? :)

Sorry if that seems simplistic, but it really does work for me.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 4:23 am 
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Just wanted to share with you the :)good news:) that WampusCat was absolutely RIGHT about my kid; all the tests for scary things have come back negative; the cure is time, warmer weather and wool socks!! I feel so very lucky and grateful and blessed. :hug:

Good results are not a zero sum game -- I hope all of you waiting for such things get good answers, too.

And may the sun come out again for all those for whom life has gone a bit grey! Please keep my despairing friend in mind -- he's still struggling.

And hal, I'm thinking of you.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 12:45 pm 
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:banana: Hurray! :banana:

I'm so glad to hear that, Teremia. :)


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 12:49 pm 
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w00t Teremia! :banana:

hal, I also feel that life pretty often sucks. But then I remember that's just my current feeling, and I then look around, much like Wampus, and I see all the beautiful things out there and it's kind of ok.
Doesn't make much sense, I'm afraid, just wanted to let you know you're not the only one to feel like that. :) Hope it gets better for you soon! :)

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but being a cheerful hobbit he had not needed hope, as long as despair could be postponed.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 12:53 pm 
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truehobbit, those flowers on your balcony hold enough beauty to keep anyone going! Absolutely stunning.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:30 pm 
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Thanks, Wampus! :kiss: :D

The crocuses are almost over by now, but the violets are out now and smelling heavenly! :love:

In fact, now that I'm reminded of my sig, I noticed that I chose the text I have at the moment for exactly the feeling I was talking about. Tolkien here points out that, Elves or no Elves, life isn't fair and that's just the way it is. Some get more than they should and some get nothing. And I love how self-evidently and resignedly he mentions this. :)

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but being a cheerful hobbit he had not needed hope, as long as despair could be postponed.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 7:21 pm 
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I'm happy for you too, Teremia.

Unfortunately, I was hit with more bad stuff today... I've been very dissatisfied with my job for several months... mostly because they give me nothign to do (I know, really rough). I am part of no team, and all the work they give me is WAY beneath my qualifications.

Today I had my yearly performance evaluation. Of course, since I've had nothing to do, and I basically got screwed out of the one leadership position I might have had last year, I'm sticking right where I've been since I started at the company 2 and a half years ago.

It's very very frustrating, and I learned it might be 3 to 6 more MONTHS before they have real work for me to do... I don't honestly know how I will not go insane in that amount of time from having nothing to do. And of course, it would write off any advancement next year too...

I'm just very disappointed.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 8:32 pm 
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I'm sorry, Hal. Is there any possibility of looking for another position?

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“There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 8:46 pm 
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I have been... I'm stuck in that insidious catch-22 of being labeled a junior engineer qualified and looking for senior level work... I'm wasted on junior level stuff, and the people hiring the senior level stuff can't look past my junior level label... and I can't get promoted, because I can't get senior level work... because I can't get any work... I know it sounds silly to complain about getting paid to basically do nothing, but it's far more frustrating than I can possibly describe...


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 9:34 pm 
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Hal, I thought you were starting your own business? Did those plans fall through, or is that something on the side from your regular job?

And no, that doesn't sound silly at all. There is nothing more frustrating then not being able to be productive.

But you know, doors have a way opening for people when they least expect it. Don't lose faith; something good will happen soon, particularly if you stay open to it.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 9:50 pm 
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Yes, i'm starting a business, which is it's own whole set of stresses ;). I'm not quitting my job, though, as it is needed to help pay to start the business...


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 9:51 pm 
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Ah, okay. Good luck!

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