The Ideal Life

[vison]

"As for displaced... I just got to wondering lately what it would feel like to be a part of majority for once. Anywhere, in anything. "

I have often felt that way, too. Have often felt like "the odd man out". But not so much in the last few years. Why? Because of LOTR, and the fan forums I joined. For the first time in my life I felt like I really belonged somewhere. That's not quite the same as being in the majority, but it's a good thing, just the same.

That feeling of community is necessary for "the ideal life", is it not?

[Teremia]

That feeling of community is necessary for "the ideal life", is it not?

Amen, vison! That is so true.

And another amen going out to Frelga, because I'm yet another one who always feels eccentric (sometimes I will look at those polls of "what typical Americans believe" and just feel like crawling under a rock!) -- in fact, my governing allegory (! if that doesn't sound too stuffy for words!) all my life long has been "The Little Mermaid," the original tale, of course, and not Disney's saccharine version: the mermaid who comes from one world into another for love's sake and for whom every step is like walking on knives.

But Frelga, I do think the distinction between "pleasure" and "happiness" is hard to draw. I agree that certain pleasures of the moment (my typing this message, for instance!) can distract us from (1)our duties (the e-mails I really meant to send!) and (2)the things that can bring us happiness in the long run (the walk I delayed to work on the e-mails I really meant to send!; the writing I don't have time for this morning) -- BUT it is not so clear to me that our duties, as opposed to our pleasures, are the same things as that which can bring us happiness in the long run.

I have gone through extremely long bouts of trying to be dutiful, trying to eschew all pleasures so as to keep house and career humming along as the Super-Ego (e.g. the workplace! my husband!) feels they should hum. But if I sacrifice too long the things that are the ground of my happiness, writing and walking, then I am just progressively more and more miserable.

Messageboards like this one can either be another way to fritter away time that could be spent writing and walking OR they can be the saving Outside Voice that reminds me that the Super-Ego does not always have my true happiness at heart -- and a reminder that connecting with people and thinking deeply about things are also important, perhaps even vital activities.

Just a long-winded way of saying that keeping your house perfectly clean and falling less behind at work (phrased that way because at least at my work, there is NO WAY NOT TO BE BEHIND to some degree) may not bring you happiness in and of themselves! You knew that, though.

How actually to achieve happiness, as opposed to a mere warding off of despair/anxiety/self-reproach, is the great mystery, however.

[Primula Baggins]

Jane Austen wrote the best short definition of happiness I've ever read: "that sanguine expectation of happiness that is happiness itself."

Of course, she didn't provide a blueprint.

[yovargas]

To be surrounded by people who truly love me and to truly love the people I'm surrounded with, and be confident in the knowledge of both.

That covers most of it, for me.

After that, really knowing what skills or talents I may have, succesfully making a career out of using them, and finding satisfaction in their usage.

That covers about 99% of my ideal.

The other 1% lies in the more superficial realms but if we're going with ideal:

- Being physically attractive and being with someone a love who I find beautiful inside and out. (aka - sex appeal)
- Being eternally rid of financial worries. I don't much want to be rich, I just don't wanna have to care about money anymore. Money worries are uniquely exhausting.

[yovargas]

So, anybody know how to get the stuff I listed? Cuz if anybody knows, I'd really appreciate it........................................

[vison]

[Primula Baggins]

indeed.

For your 99% you picked two very tough but very worthwhile goals. I wish I could tell you how to achieve them.

For the first, I would say: always be honest—be a person with integrity. That will pay off in every way imaginable (except the loss of some of the easy fun you give up in order to be honest). To be loved by people you can trust totally, you need to deserve their total trust as well. Trust is essential to permanent relationships.

Also, don't overvalue romance. The thrill comes and goes within any relationship—that's natural, not a problem. If friendship and trust are there, you'll always have something good.

For the second—I'd just say follow your bliss. If there's something you really want to do, pursue it. Things fall into place in an almost eerie way when you do that (and give your best).

[Frelga]

Yov, or just read that list in the Humour thread.

For your #2, I have always suspected that 80% of choosing a rewarding career is figuring out what makes you really miserable and avoiding it.

[vison]

Or you could buy into all the ads at the bottom of the page.............


That WEIRDS me out, big time. Google is amazing.

[Padme]

Yovargas,

I think the more money you make, the worries become bigger. I make more money than I ever did, and same worries. In fact I was thinking the other day that I am making a good deal more than five years ago, but it still seems the same to me. I still worry about the car payment or the house payment or whatever payment. It sort of bites.

[Primula Baggins]

Yes, unless you can resist the temptation to improve your lifestyle as your income improves, you end up in the same situation but with higher amounts. . . .

[Voronwë the Faithful]

I've been resisting posting this since this thread was started, but I can resist no longer.

The truth is, there is no such thing as "The Ideal Life". Arda IS marred, and each of us with it. Bad things happen that we have no control over. And we all make the wrong decisions some time, no matter how hard we try to make the right ones.

Worse, the striving for such an impossible goal inevitably leads to disappointment and pain. My advice is to not go there at all. Just try your best, and let the chips fall where they may.

[vison]

Ah, Voronwë! When I said, "ideal" I didn't mean perfect!

I'm still thinking this over. But at least part of the "ideal" life is to understand as soon as may be that pain and sorrow and disappointment and frustration are PART of reality and the thing is, in my "ideal" life is for me to deal with the inevitable with grace. If I can.

[Primula Baggins]

You certainly seem to have attained that part of your ideal life, vison.

[vison]

You certainly seem to have attained that part of your ideal life, vison.

Oh, Prim, if you only knew!

However, I'm better at it than I used to be.

Like the Hobbits, I've had a bit of schooling.

[Primula Baggins]

Well, it's an area where being hit repeatedly over the head is the only way to make progress. I really, really hate that.

[yovargas]

I would say not getting hit repeatedly over the head would be a part of my ideal life.

[Primula Baggins]

Not a realistic goal, I fear. <rubs head>

[yovargas]

Wisdom from Calvin (wishI had the strip):

"Give me the strength to change what I can,
the incapacity to accept what I can't,
and the inability to tell the difference."
– Calvin

[Impenitent]

I read somewhere that the secret is not in getting what you want (which equates with constant striving and dissatisfaction), but rather to want what you have.