The Kindergarchy

[ArathornJax]

In the following article,
http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/P ... k.asp?pg=1

the author's main thought is that parents are suffocating our children by being overly involved in their lives. This denies them of experiences then that they really need in order to grow up and become independent, productive members of society. Here are the author's final thoughts as a tease perhaps to get through the article.

"When such seismic shifts in the culture as that represented by the rise of Kindergarchy take hold, there isn't much anyone can do but wait for things to work themselves out. My own hope is that the absurdity of current arrangements will in time be felt, and people will gradually realize the foolishness of continuing to lavish so much painstaking attention on their children. When that time comes, children will be allowed to relax, no longer under threat of suffocation by love from their parents, and grow up more on their own. Only then will parents once again be able to live their own lives, free to concentrate on their work, life's adult pleasures, and those responsibilities that fall well outside the prison of the permanent kindergarten they have themselves erected and have been forced to live in as hostages."

Are we too involved in the lives of our children or is this "shift" one that needed to happen? Are parents sacrificing too little of themselves or too much? In the article I do believe we see not only the author's bias but also a cultural shift in how parents have change in parenting children. What changes have been positive and which have been negative? I'd really like to listen to, read your responses to this article. I'll share my own thoughts on this later.

[sauronsfinger]

One of the most insightful books I ever read is called GENERATIONS and its by William Straus & Neil Howe. It came out in 1991. In it they predicted that the Millennial generation (1982 - ?) would be one of most pampered and indulged generations in US history. And look at whats happened. Car seats, baby monitoring sytems, electronic nannies, real nannies, expensive everything for the little precious wonders, bicycle helmets just to ride up and down your driveway (Mommy would not want you to actually go out any farther cause its a big bad world out there) , arranged play parties, and all kinds of goodies to show these kids they are the best ever. Just ask them - the kids - they know they are the best.

Just look at something like home schooling. What was a relatively minor activity suddenly boomed and grew like Topsy as these kids came of school age because you could not trust the schools- even private schools - to properly educate love and nurture the best children in the history of the world. Only one person could do that and thats Mommy cause she knows just how precious and luvable you really are.

[Primula Baggins]

I don't know that I'd class car seats in with ridiculous indulgences, SF. Or baby monitors, which I found freeing. Or bike helmets—head injuries are no joke; I used to work at a clinic for head-injured veterans with intractable seizures—and there's nothing magically protective about being in your own driveway.

[solicitr]

Yes- Prim: but helmets and knee and elbow pads for a kid on a Big Wheel is pretty darn ridiculous.

[Primula Baggins]

I would agree. But my kids never got onto a bike they could fall off of unless they were wearing a helmet. If nothing else, it formed a habit that I'm glad they still have, now that they're riding miles in traffic to get around town.

[sauronsfinger]

Primula - I do understand people trying to protect their children. ANd I cannot find fault with that. I mentioned that list simply to illustrate that societies attitude toward this generation of children has changed tremendously over the last 15 to 20 years.

I do think its an indication of the coddled and over-protective nature of many parents.

As a teacher, we really started to see a change in parental attitudes over that time also. In the 'good old days' if you got punished at school, and your folks found out about it, you got it again at home. The assumption was that the kid was wrong and the school was right. Then, probably in the late 80's and early 90's we started to see more and more parents who would take the side of the child even if the actions were obviously criminal. The "its my child and they can do no wrong" became the norm rather than the exception.

[Padme]

The world is passing through troubling times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress. -
Peter the Hermit over 700 years ago.

[Maria]

The Fourth Turning is better than Generations, sauronsfinger, even though it covers much of the same stuff.

The are calling the generation after the Millenials the "Homeland" generation and they are the overly protected generation that will be relatively unrecognized for their contributions throughout their lives. The "Silents" their sort of generation is called.

[sauronsfinger]

Maria - did we talk about this before in some other life?

Because this seems really familiar but I do not remember ... of course, there is so very much that I no longer remember. I think that is why they regulate the meals in the cafeteria at the same time every day and serve the same thing certain days of the week for us here.

[ToshoftheWuffingas]

The car did a good job of both killing a lot of children and imprisoning the rest within their homes.

[Padme]

Off Topic

The car did a good job of both killing a lot of children and imprisoning the rest within their homes.

Tosh,

I have come to the conclusion that cars, automobiles, are the instrument of the evil, enslaving us to the oil devil.

Back to Topic

[sauronsfinger]

There used to be a guy here in Detroit who voiced such anti-auto talk. Of course, once those ideas were made public, he mysteriously vanished. And now there is this very nice couple - who both work for Ford - who live in that house.

[Cenedril_Gildinaur]

Of course the "nomadic" Generation X is very protective of our children. My generation was raised by the TV since divorced parents didn't have time for the children. I was more fortunate in that respect than many of my peers.

Mind, many of the safety laws were put into effect before we got to a voting age. I remember watching the laws multiply as I grew.

[MithLuin]

My sister (born in 1982) is convinced that many of the interesting stories from her childhood are due to a lack of supervision. After all, being told that she walked up the driveway (alone) at the age of 2 or 3 with mushrooms smeared all over her face was funny when we were younger, but less so now that she has her own daughter (who is just learning to reach for things and put them in her mouth). And then my dad tells stories of how he would walk to the movie theater w/o adults around...when he was 6. With a bunch of other kids, but still - none of them were older than maybe 8. Parents don't let their kids do that stuff these days.

People think I'm crazy if I drive somewhere alone w/o a cell phone. Even though I'm an adult. So, part of it is a shift in society, not just parenting.

But even colleges have noticed the 'hovering' parent effect. I was speaking to a college prof this summer who was shocked that parents of her incoming freshmen were contacting her about questions or changes in their child's schedule. Her response was something like, "ummm, he can contact me and my office hours are..." She wanted to get feedback from high school teachers if this were normal, and I think that she was blown away by the complaints of helicopter parents at that level. As teachers, we need to enforce boundaries, while still keeping parents informed about the progress of their children. I haven't had any (serious) problems with that yet, but it's only a matter of time.

My Mom has always said that parenting is all about learning to let go. From when you put your little one on the bus to go to kindergarten to when you send them off to college, each step is another chance for them to have more freedom. It hurts, especially when kids are oblivious with there 'kthxbye' attitude. But it is still necessary.


I think Tolkien shared Tosh's opinion of cars . Since I lived 18 mi. from my high school...I do not. Being out in the middle of nowhere means you are stuck there if you have no car. Even a horse is only going to get you so far! (Now, I live 10 mi. from the school where I work, but the commute takes me the same amount of time...go figure). Of course, maybe with internet it wouldn't be so bad. That was new then, so I don't recall talking to high school friends on IM or ICQ much. I just remember growing up with all of my friends being a long distance phone call away.

[Primula Baggins]

As a kid in West Seattle, I walked a mile to school with a boy my age starting in kindergarten, without parents after the first two days. I wasn't even five years old yet. Yet it was nothing unusual for the time. We had only one car then, so Mom driving me was not an option—also not unusual then.

[River]

I walked to school every day grades K-5, usually with a sibling or two in tow. But it was only a couple blocks. Then my family moved and we were outside the one mile radius for the school I went to, so I took the school bus.

I also had an enormous dog I walked by myself. This proved advantageous when it came time to sell Girl Scout cookies - everyone recognized me as the little girl with the big dog.

I'm not sure how that dog would have been at protecting me if anyone tried anything because, well, no one ever did. It was a safe sort of neighborhood, and I imagine a creep would think twice about tangling with a kid who can handle a dog bigger than she is.

[Frelga]

I walked to school since I was seven, sometimes with another boy from my class. Three of us walked back, accompanied by a large stray dog with a limp, who first took my two friends home, then followed me. I don't even remember if we fed him (I hope we did!), he just was always there for us. Come to think, I don't even know if he was a he.

The thought of my son spending his school breaks playing with a pack of stray dogs, the way I used to...

[WampusCat]

I walked to and from school from 1st through 7th grade. It was a few blocks from my home.

After that, I rode the bus to school, this one a mile away, then walked home. I distinctly remember thinking more than once that I wished someone would stop and give me a ride home. I'm certainly glad that nobody with ill intent tried to pick up the book-laden redhead in the miniskirt. Boy, teenagers can be stupid.

[axordil]

I know I have to fight off the hovering impulse.

I think it's better than having to fight off the abandoning impulse, or the "have-a-litter-and-assume-they'll-raise-themselves" impulse.

Some sins only become possible in affluent sections of affluent societies. Like this, more the stuff of concerned magazine articles than actual societal crisis.

That's really all I care to say. Carry on.

[sauronsfinger]

I think its funny that each new generation thinks they invented sex.
Then years later they think they invented parenting. Or had to reinvent it at the very least to save their little tykes from the big bad world.