Thanks, Alatar. I love DorkTower.
You know, over at TORN, frodobaggins1986 wrote an entire script. Get a bunch of fans from New Zealand to show up on PJ's doorstep with their own lovingly, painstakingly made costumes, a hand-held videocam and the script....
[Ringing on PJ's door. PJ puts down his yogurt and looks up.]
PJ: "I'm coming! I'm coming!"
[He puts in his contacts, leaves the comb untouched at the mirror and ambles to the door.]
PJ: "Good morning!"
FANS: "Fans, at your service!"
[Thirteen short and one rather tall Fan all come inside, hanging their lovingly, painstakingly made cloaks on the pegs by the door.]
PJ: "Well, this is an unexpected party."
Fans: "We're mooting for a movie. "
PJ: "I beg your pardon?"
Fan1: "Forget New Line! We'll just make "The Hobbit" ourselves. "
Fan5: "We consider you a prisoner in the dungeons of the Necromancer!"
Fan2
[pushing in front of Fan5]: "Frodobaggins1986 here has the script, Fan12 over here has the handy-cam. And we rooted through WETA's garbage bins before coming over here for some really great stuff."
Fan3: "Plus we've spend hundreds of our own money on Sideshows props."
Fan4: "Yeah, between us we have enough orc maquettes that we can have a great faraway shot of them coming over the hill for the Battle of Five Armies."
Fan3: "Yeah. We've got three Gimli's so with a little bit of paint..."
PJ: "I beg your pardon?!"
FANS: "
We are here to make the movie!!"
Fan9: "Odd sort now, isn't he? Keeps begging us and stuff."
Fan13: "Changed his glasses but maybe he should be fitted for a hearing aid."
Fan11: "This is the right guy, right? Mark on the door looked right when we came here."
TallFan: "Excitable little fellow. Gets funny queer fits."
PJ: "Confuscate and bebother these fans. What mark? And can't you see that I don't own the rights and so can't make the movie?"
Fan8: "And I assure you there is a mark on this door-the usual one in the trade, or used to be. Director wants a good job, plenty of Excitement and reasonable Reward, that's how it is usually read."
Fan9: "We're here to show you it can be done. Make our script and shop it around..."
Fan7: "It's not like you haven't done
that before."
TallFan: "Got any pickles and cheese? I'm hungry."
Fan6:
"...maybe Bryan Singer is available."
"Pardon me," PJ said, "if I have overheard words that you were saying. I don't pretend to understand what you are talking about, or your reference to directors, but I think I am right in believing" (this is what he called being on his dignity) "that you think I am no good. I will show you. I have no signs on my door-it was painted a week ago-, and I am quite sure you have come to the wrong house. As soon as I saw your funny faces on the door-step, I had my doubts. But treat it as the right one. Tell me what you want done, and I will try it, if I have to walk from here to the East of East and fight the wild Were-worms in the Last Desert. "
FANS: "Hear! Hear!"
PJ
continuing: "First I should like to know a bit more about things," said he, feeling all confused and a bit shaky inside, but so far still lookishly determined to go on with things. "I mean about the handy-cam and the maquettes, and all that, and and so on and further."
"Bless me!" said TallFan, "haven't you got an Internet connection? and didn't you read our posts? and haven't we been talking about all this for years?"
Fan4: "We gotta start now! Our moot only lasts the weekend. "
Fan12: "Philippa around? I've got a couple of script questions."
Fan7: Great Elephants! Did I forget my replica of Sting?
Fan2: Fan4: Fan11: "We brought ours!"
TallFan: "Let us begin."
PJ: "So soon? but it is dark."
"We like the dark," said the Fans. "Dark for dark business! There are many hours before dawn."
thankee to Pearly Di for the edit. Gotta mind my p's and l's.