However, the more I thought about, the more I came to the conclusion that Peter Jackson had also missed a golden opportunity for humor. In particular, I found the change in fortunes relating to the raising of the flag of Gondor on the mast of the lead corsair to be a perfect place for a laugh.
In this context, I am unearthing a short scene from a script I worked on a long while ago, which was part of something called Project W.I.N.K.L.E, hosted by the good people of TORC. That project was essentially a community-driven draft parody script for the LOTR films, which worked off both the books and the films (and rumors about the films at the time), and which includes some entries that are much funnier than my own, especially from the great and glorious Hama (he is missed).
My hope is that the community here at the Hall of Fire might work on a new project W.I.N.K.L.E. script for the Hobbit films. If there is interest, I could start another thread titled Project W.I.N.K.L.E: Hobbit Edition, and go from there. The basic rule is that the entries should be in a rough "movie script" form, try to follow the previous posts chronologically, and be a parody of either the source material or the films (or what we speculate about the films).
But I want to be sure there's interest before jumping in. In the spirit of getting that going, particularly for those of you who are unfamiliar with the original product, here is my sample piece from the W.I.N.K.L.E. ROTK script, titled:
How I learned to stop worrying, and jump in the river
So, who's in?It was even as the day thus began to turn against Gondor and their hope wavered that a new cry went up in the city. In that clear air, watchmen on the walls of the City saw afar a new sight of fear, and their last hope left them.
Looking towards the great river Anduin, the men cried in dismay, for black against the glittering stream they beheld a fleet of ships borne upon the wind, ships of great draught with many oars, and with black sails bellying in the breeze.
MEN:
The Corsairs of Umbar! The Corsairs of Umbar are coming! It is the last stroke of doom!
At that moment, Éomer looked to the river, and hope died in his heart, and the wind that he had previously blessed he now called accursed.
Éomer:
Thanks, wind. Thanks a lot.
The Hosts of Mordor were enheartened, and filled with a new lust and fury they came yelling at the onset!
HOSTS OF MORDOR:
Yeah!
The forces of Gondor and Rohan were driven back. Yet Éomer in his hopeless wrath lifted up his sword in defiance of the Corsairs. And then, wonder took him.
Éomer:
THE FLAG OF GONDOR FLIES!
HOSTS OF THE WEST:
ALRIGHT!
HOSTS OF MORDOR
THAT CAN’T BE GOOD!
And once again the tides had turned. As hope was renewed amongst the Free Peoples of the West, the hosts of Mordor were seized with bewilderment and a black dread fell on them, and many cast themselves in the river. One orc despaired:
ORC: This is terrible. I'm jumping in the river.
And he did so immediately after saying so.
But lo! Another cry had arisen from the battlements.
BATTLEMENT HERALD:
Wait! The flag of Gondor has been lowered! There now flies the flag of Umbar! We are doomed!
HOSTS OF MORDOR:
YEAH!
HOSTS OF THE WEST:
BLOODY HELL!
And once again the tides had turned, as hope was renewed amongst the slaves of Mordor. The hosts of the West were seized with fear, and a black dread fell on them, and many cast themselves into the river. One soldier of Gondor said, despairingly:
SOLDIER OF GONDOR:
I don't care if I've got plate armor on, I'm jumping in the river!
And he did so immediately after saying so.
But lo! Another cry had arisen from the battlement!
BATTLEMENT HERALD:
Wait! The Flag of Umbar has been lowered. The standard of Gondor flies again! There is hope!
HOSTS OF THE WEST:
GREAT NEWS.…we suppose…
HOSTS OF MORDOR:
TERRIBLE NEWS...it would seem...
And so the tides had turned once again, as hope was rekindled amongst the free peoples. Orcs and such foul beasts started hurling themselves in the river again.
But lo! A herald cries out once again!
HERALD:
The flag of Umbar flies again! We are doomed!
Soldiers of Gondor then began jumping to their deaths again, as orcs plowed on with new-found, yet somewhat hesitant courage.
But lo, the flag of Gondor was raised again!
ORC (to soldier of Gondor about to jump in the river):
Hey. Flag's changed again. It's our turn to jump in.
And so, the forces of Mordor despaired once again, and began hurling themselves in the river. But once again, the flag of Umbar was raised!
Éomer:
Why don't we all just jump in, for Eorl’s sake?!
Yet at last the ships anchored, and out of the first stumbled the dwarf Gimli and the elf Legolas laughing merrily, and followed by the Lord Aragorn who was shaking his head.
GIMLI:
HELLO LADDIES! It's us! Legolas and I thought it'd be a bit of a laugh to switch the banners back and forth. Funny, eh?
Éomer: This time, I'm cutting off his head.
Cue studio laughter
