Atrocities

[Primula Baggins]

Here, for example, is an edit of the infamous, two-hour Star Wars Holiday Special that lasts a mere 5 minutes and 24 seconds and yet manages to feel like a week. And a bad one.

Link

What else were we supposed to love that we in fact detest?

[Jnyusa]

Was that real?

[Primula Baggins]

That was a contractual obligation by George Lucas and many of the actors, in 1978, and it did actually air on network television.

It's sort of legendary. Not in a good way.

[Crucifer]

[Alatar]

Ah yes, the infamous Wookie Porn scene! They left out the Boba Fett cartoon though:



In all seriousness, you have no idea what this did to poor Irish people in 1978. We had one TV channel. Just one. They started advertising this for about 3 months before Christmas. Imagine what its like to be a 9 year old kid waiting 3 months to see Star Wars on TV and this is what we got. I was scarred for life.

[Primula Baggins]

Ouch, Alatar. I have this image of whole families all over Ireland, gathered around the screen, their jaws hanging open.

I didn't see it—I was in college, and this was before VCRs—but I sure heard about it.

(How did Mark Hamill live down that makeup job? He looked like a dewy-eyed figure skater.)

(How did Harrison Ford live with himself?)

(How did Bea Arthur have a career?)

All I can say is, Lucas was lucky that the next movie up was The Empire Strikes Back, the best of the series.

[Jnyusa]

Yeah, because Lucas didn't write it.

You know, George Lucas is one of those guys that had one good idea and then spent the rest of his career living off other people's talent.

Jn

[vison]

Yeah, because Lucas didn't write it.

You know, George Lucas is one of those guys that had one good idea and then spent the rest of his career living off other people's talent.

Jn

*bows very low, Uriah Heep-style*

"American Graffiti" was a great movie.

*backs out, carefully*


I still remember seeing Star Wars for the first time. We felt like we'd been through the spin cycle on a washer. It isn't as great now as it was then, but it was wonderful then.

But, yes, Lucas makes crap movies. It was almost impossible to believe that each of the last 3 could be worse than the one before, but so it proved. "Revenge of the Sith" is so bad it's beyond bad. But not in a good way.

[Primula Baggins]

Lucas had a fantastic story to tell, and in anyone's hands but his all six movies might have been classics. But he can't write, won't let actors act, and deliberately bleaches emotion out of the story lest it frighten the children. And then, of course, there's his hideous tin ear for invented names.

vison, I actually thought the first prequel was the weakest, and the third had some moments that worked well for me.

But imagine Star Wars told for adults rather than children, with good actors well directed and the emotion of the story allowed to come forward. Star Wars with adult relationships and non-cartoon violence and all the operatic drama the outline of the story promises. With kewl FX only where they serve the story.

And with the kid in the first movie a teenager, not an eleven-year-old—Lucas's original plan until he talked to his marketing people. That would remove a whole layer of preposterousness just in itself.

Maybe someone will remake them someday.

[Impenitent]

I've never seen this before!



My eyes! why did I click on that link! Why?!



I need to bleach that ninety seconds from my brain. I'm so thankful that I managed to rouse myself from shock long enough to close the window - I only wish I'd managed to do it sooner.



Why did you do this, Prim, why?!



I thought Prim links were, by definition, safe.

*whimpers*

[Jnyusa]

Hey, Imp, there's no such thing as too much wookie porn.

But that's just me.

But imagine Star Wars told for adults rather than children, with good actors well directed and the emotion of the story allowed to come forward. Star Wars with adult relationships and non-cartoon violence and all the operatic drama the outline of the story promises. With kewl FX only where they serve the story.

But this is the problem with every trashed story from every puerile director. We just haven't got directors who will give this kind of story the treatment it deserves.

Jn


edited to fix quote

[Primula Baggins]

True, alas. It would involve a certain setting aside of dignity for many directors to take the material seriously.

And yet in terms of hysteria and histrionics there is plenty of "high" art, such as many operas, in the same category as this potential Star Wars retelling.

I just hate to see a great story wasted.

[Alatar]

But imagine Star Wars told for adults rather than children, with good actors well directed and the emotion of the story allowed to come forward. Star Wars with adult relationships and non-cartoon violence and all the operatic drama the outline of the story promises. With kewl FX only where they serve the story.

That would be Babylon 5 and Battlestar Galactica. And Farscape, to an extent. Oh and Firefly!

[Primula Baggins]

I totally agree, Alatar. I guess I shouldn't complain too much, with that kind of richness available (on DVD and, in fact, on my shelf, all of it).

I'm rewatching Firefly (slowly) right now. The characters and the writing are so wonderful.

And this:

But imagine Star Wars told for adults rather than children, with good actors well directed and the emotion of the story allowed to come forward. Star Wars with adult relationships and non-cartoon violence and all the operatic drama the outline of the story promises. With kewl FX only where they serve the story.

is dead on as a description of those shows, which I didn't realize when I typed it.

That only adds to the poignancy of Lucas's misfire, if "mere" TV shows can achieve what he couldn't with what was, comparatively, infinite time and budget.

[Crucifer]

I thought that Revenge of the Sith, despite its sensational title, was rather good. Until Vader went NOOOOOO...

[Primula Baggins]

That was baaaaaad indeed, Crucifer.

[Crucifer]

Extremely. I only watched to finish the saga. Clones was an abomination, 'tho Phantom (Note the sensational title ) wan't so bad.

[truehobbit]

I'd never heard of this before at all. So - this youtube clip was five minutes random clips from some two-hour movie that was shown on TV?
It was very silly - but are you sure that it was not meant to be a joke?

(How did Mark Hamill live down that makeup job? He looked like a dewy-eyed figure skater.)

I thought he didn't look like Mark Hamill at all, at least not in that clip.

[Primula Baggins]

I think everyone involved probably wishes it had been a deliberate joke, hobby, but it was a television special—one of the contractual obligations Lucas had to agree to to get Star Wars made. It was intended as straight family entertainment—a variety show, really, consisting of skits loosely connected by a lame plot line.

It was completely awful because the people who put it together knew and cared nothing for Star Wars, and the additional roles were cast pretty much at random, and the writing was dreadful, and the music was appalling. American TV in 1978 was appalling in general, but this was the dregs of the dregs.

And that was Mark Hamill, all right.

[WampusCat]

I looked at some of the longer clips from the show (also on YouTube), and they are painful indeed. The shortened version was merciful.

Alas, it's not a joke, at least not if by "joke" you mean a fan creation. It's listed on imdb.com (Internet Movie Data Base). One of the facts given there:

This special has never been released on video; however, bootleg home-recorded videos have been circulating for years and are now all over the internet. George Lucas once remarked at an Australian convention that "if I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would track down every bootlegged copy of that program and smash it."

It's simply and utterly dreadful. How blessed I was to have missed its first showing.

Thanks, Prim, for giving me nightmares!